2009
25
Oct

The Golf Ball Story

The ending of the story:
I threw a golf ball through someones living room window and broke it.

How it happened:
Golf BallEvery other weekend I take my dog for a 3 mile walk. He’s a small dog (12 pounds) so three miles is a long way for him. He had already pooped. I was carrying the poop bag with me in fact because I couldn’t find a trash can. About two and a half miles into the walk we come up to a house that has two small rocks stacked on top of each other and painted white. It had recently been painted because there was still white paint on the grass around the rocks. My dog has never seen that before so he is sneaking up on it and leaning in to see if it is a threat to him. He isn’t lifting his leg up to pee on it (two and a half miles in the walk, even if he lifts his leg up, nothing is coming out). He’s just sniffing it to see what it is. The owner of the house walks out the front door with a bucket in his hand. I don’t know what is in the bucket. I guess I assumed it’s something for his lawn. He yells, “Get off my lawn!” I start walking off. My dog is still sniffing it. I’m not jerking on the leash because he didn’t do anything wrong. So I’m lightly tugging on it. The guy yelled again, “I said, get off my lawn!!” And he reached into his bucket, pulled out a golf ball, and threw it at me. It went a little wild. It flew about 5 feet away from me. “What the hell?” I yelled at him. “Get off my lawn!” And he reached into his bucket and threw another gold ball at us. This one landed about 10 feet in front of us and rolled to a stop. “What the hell is your problem? All he is doing is sniffing the damn rocks!” Once again he yells, “Just get off my lawn!” And he throws another golf ball us us. This one lands about 2 feet in front of my dog, bounces up, and hits him. He yelps. Now I’m pissed. I picked up the second golf ball that landed short of us and threw it at him. If he was standing about three feet left of where he was, it would have hit him square in the chest. Instead, it sailed past him and went threw his living room window. He yelled, “You’re going to pay for that!” I said, “No I’m not.” And I walked off. I didn’t run. I didn’t walk off at a hurried pace. I walked off at a pace like I was taking my dog for a walk. He yelled, “Get back here!” a couple times but I didn’t respond.

If he wasn’t being such a jerk and waited an extra second or two his window wouldn’t have gotten broken. Maybe next time he decides to be a jerk he’ll remember that.

The next time I take my dog on a three mile walk I fully intend of taking him the same route.

1 Responses to The Golf Ball Story

  1. Joshua Boyd says:

    Dude, this story is hilarious! Next time I say you carry a golf club with you. The only thing that would have made this better is if you had thrown the poop bag through the window you had just broken.

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